Automatic

I gave you back your toy and Im glad we’re not mad at each other :)

call me, i really need it back

PLEASE GIVE IT BACK

eh pls give me back my toy. i will pay u for it. just give me bck

Beatrice you dont know how much I miss you. Its really not the same, we spend so little time together. You should understand this feel. You were there before… I’d like to feel special with you, not just some guy who you just happens to be your bf. 

You know what? This is stupid. If you still want to work things out then call me tomorrow.

Clearly, we’re not going anywhere and no one’s gonna give in. Your call.

Just so you know, it takes two hands to clap. So stop blaming me on everything. I’d appreciate that.

Ok, first things first, when I said I’ll try, its only because I know there is a chance I may not be able to fulfill your request thats why I say try. So how can you even blame me for this? Its absurd, name me one time you were supposed to meet me in the morning and you were able to? None right? Because you yourself cant. And how many times I already appeared at your house in the morning. So what do I have to prove to you? What am I? A robot? Im supposed to meet 100% achievements if not im considered faulty? 

How unfair is your comparison? The first half of our relationship I was more free, I spent alot of time with you and helped you with your work. But the second half after we patched back, you started to give up on your work and drop out of school entirely, making you extremely free. I on the other hand, became more busy because of camp and my work. So we happen to be on opposite ends! Can you blame me for that? How can you say I stop making you feel special when you of all people should know how busy I am with all these commitments. On and btw, you knew it wayyyyyyyyyyy before hand. I event told you that when we first got together. How would I know when you wanted to quit TP and cause yourself to be SO FREE.

I detect that all you have expressed just now is really just all about yourself. What I didnt do and what you SHOULD have gotten for your birthday instead. But ask yourself this question, why are you lonely? Is your life suppose to revolve around me or has it no room for friends and your mum? Who was the one who wanted to cut ties with TP friends? So dont blame me for making you feel lonely, you just isolated yourself.

By the way, I know that I have been spending very little time with you and its something Im powerless to give at this point in time even if I wanted to, so I thought I’d save up and tighten my belt for a few weeks to  gave you something material that you mentioned you really wanted to make up for what I could not. But did you ever see it that way? Come on, of all people, you know how tight on cash I am.

And you seriously consider what we talk over the phone an argument? I call it talking to the wall. I dont even get a response when I’m trying to convey a message. Its me talking talking talking and with you not saying anything until you spot a weak point and just pin point the mistake and forget about whatever I just said. Thats how we quarrel every time. What I hate is you always bring up the past when you feel like hurting me. ADALIA ADALIA ADALIA! Seriously?!?! How long do you want to harp on it? I dont even talk about Stefan anymore so why bring her up? 

With all this being said, do you think our arguments are effective or even show progress? I think not. So why do you think I want to give up nowadays? Because when we quarrel like this, we are going no where! And these few days, its WORSE! You dont even want to admit your mistake!

Eg. when Im late, Ill say sorry for being late. When YOU are late, so long as I reach there 1 minute past the meeting time, I am also late. therefore, you did nothing wrong. But how is that even the point? The point is that I said sorry not because Im late, but because I care about your feelings as its not nice for you to wait for me. But you dont seem to understand that! OR, you just dont want to admit you made a mistake.

Lastly, instead of just caring about what I have done (or have not), maybe think about what I REALLY NEED. Maybe people who have nothing better to do, feel bored thats why they complain alot. But maybe busy people have needs too. So because Im busy I dont need to support too? 

Eg. When you want to talk to me on the phone, when I have work to rush, when I have to wake up early the next morning, You want to talk for long hours on the phone. Yes, you have nothing better to do, you can sleep all day. But what about me? have you thought about how little sleep I would get? 

PS: If you dont realise, when I ask you if I can go sleep, Im being nice, its not really your choice, but Im making sure your satisfied before I end the day. So dont think you control me.

Last post

I used to think that we could go through everything together, I used to think that we’ll always have a tomorrow together, I used to be so sure of our future together. But right now, I’m not sure of any of that at all.

How many times do I have to be disappointed? Or did I expect too much? Since you’ve been so busy the whole of last year, did I expect too much that you’ll do just a little bit more? I guess I did. 

And you know why you don’t make any effort anymore? It’s because I’m no longer the most important person to you.

If you haven’t noticed, you’ve stopped trying since the last time we patched things up. When you gave me another chance, you said I should prove myself to you. You’re wrong. I’m not in a relationship with myself, I’m in a relationship with you. WE should work forward together, not just me.

You once told me that I’ve changed. And in case you haven’t noticed, you did too. You used to do so many things for me without complaining, you used to make me feel special, you used to always make me happy after we quarrel. And now? What did you do? Nothing at all. You’ve stop trying.

Now everytime we quarrel, you’ll just hang up the phone. Whatever happened to your “must talk it out everytime we quarrel” rule? Stop blaming me for wanting to try out the “sleep and forget about it the next day” method. We’ve tried that long enough to know that it doesn’t work.

Sure you’ve done things for me. You’ve bought a poloroid for me for my birthday. But you know what I’d rather you do? To make me feel that I’m not alone. Ever since you decided that “I should prove myself to you”, you’ve never made me feel that I actually need your reassurance. You just think that I’m wrong, so I’ve to make it up to you and stop complaining, because well, I’M WRONG FROM THE START!

Do you remember all the happy moments we had?

I don’t. I remember everyday ended with a quarrel. Now, we can’t even tolerate each other. 

So it’s either we try to work things out TOGETHER now or we break up.

P/s: I still have alot to say but i’ll type it out here when i come back. (just in case you decide to post some post cursing me and saying i’m delusional. just saying.)